Stop telling me to Let Go

“Why should I let it go? She mistreated me in front of everyone. After being there for her all these years this is how she treated me. I am tired of being nice to people and why should I keep on understanding and letting it go? I want to give it back to her, enough is enough. Just because I am being nice doesn’t mean anyone can take advantage of me. So stop asking me to Let Go all the time.” You may be wondering what is this all about? This is an outburst of a person who felt she was being used by others and that she was always asked to let it go and relax as she was more matured and understanding in her nature. Have we all not felt this at some point of time in life? Why should I let it go? Doesn’t it become difficult specially when you know you are not at fault. Letting go has started sounding negative, hasn’t it?

Before we dig a little into this, I suggest we just close our eyes and think of a situation where you feel you had to let go. Just take 3 deep breaths later and open your eyes.

Breathe in…

Breathe out

Breathe in…

Breathe out

Breathe in…

Breathe out

What did you think and how did it make you feel? Just write down on paper what is it that you had to let go.

“Letting go” has become such a negative connotation whereas if we just look at it as is, it is a completely different picture. So what is Letting Go actually? Many a times we use synonyms like forgetting , forgiving or moving on to describe it. However, when we talk about forgetting it means its about some situation which has already happened means it’s talking about past. Also forgetting is not within our control. When we say forgiving we are talking about some person which again means about something that person has done and ultimately it is related to event which has already happened. Moving on is again about moving away from a situation or a person.

If Letting Go is not what we said above than what is it? To understand this better we first need to know “what is it that we are holding on to?” We can let go only what we are holding hence it become very essential to understand what are we holding on to. Are we holding on those situations/incidents or are we holding on to what those situations triggered within us, the emotional experience part of it. If you think it is the situations than lets be clear that letting go those situations is just not possible unless we have some issues pertaining to functioning of the brain/memory. Things that have already happened cannot just be deleted or removed. It is just not in our control. Which leaves us with the emotional experience part of it. Letting go those emotional experiences is quite within our control as it is something that we are experiencing within us and we can have some control over what happens within us. It is just matter of our choice.

Letting go does not mean that it is something which we give it away to never return. It is more of acknowledging what is happening within us and making a choice in how do we respond to it. Lets say I am holding a cup in my hand and if I just let it go it will drop and break. Now if I am aware that I am holding this cup for a longtime and it’s hurting my fingers than the natural response to it is I don’t want my finger to hurt and hence I choose to keep the cup aside. Similarly with all the incidents we can’t just drop them or wish it to get deleted from our experience. We just need to address what is it triggering and how do respond to what is happening within us.

Unfortunately many people feel that letting go is a weakness which makes it difficult as no-one wants to be perceived as a weak person. In reality by letting go we are just addressing and letting go the the emotions which are not helping us grow as an individual. It takes courage and emotional maturity to accept and make that choice.

So what is that you are choosing for yourself?

A glimpse of what Letting go is and is not

Letting go is:

Acknowledging & Acceptance

Addressing emotional aspect

Taking charge of self

Letting go is Not:

Forgetting a situation /incident

It is not a weakness

It is not about others

CHOICE IS YOURS